Have you ever experienced life coming at you like a massive wave that propels you downward with your bottom touching the sand underneath. Then as you push yourself up to gasp for breath, another wave hits you down until you’re feeling worn out and just barely there. That’s what I’ve felt for a couple of months now and I know that in the long run, this is an unhealthy pattern to live by. Chronic stress can kill you early. This post is different from my other ones as it’s more personal and probably a way for me to vent out or process what’s happening inside my head. 

Anyway, one of my goals before is to be like Bill Gates where he spends a full week without any contact with the outside world, as he strolls, reads and exist in his cabin in the woods. Oh to be an adult with the luxury of time. I only had a day to do this, to love the “art of doing nothing”. But in this solace, I was able to understand myself more and who I want to be, what I want to be doing, and how I want to be spending my time in the future when I have the resources. 

For this weekend, I tried to recuperate by being connected with nature- I have a mulberry tree growing in my backyard, so I picked up some of the ripe ones, and as I did- I thanked God because I felt that my needs have always been provided for, I didn’t have to do anything, and I certainly know I didn’t deserve it. I also thanked him for the time to read a book and to re-calibrate how I’m thinking. I also spent time organising my room, my vanity skincare area, kitchen and closet. I feel more at ease now- having that good sense of control of the things I can actually control. I tried learning something new as well- I learned how to make steak, how to make a vegetable garden, and how to preserve berries (well creating frozen berries). I can’t be more content and happier, but I need to re-organise my calendar again to put socials in, because no man is an island.

I haven’t had a decent read for quite some time as I’ve been busy with scrolling and consuming purposeless content. I guess when we’re mentally and emotionally exhausted, it’s difficult to think about the deeper and bigger things in life- I just want to be entertained and to forget the worries away. I’ve forgotten how reading books allowed me to live a different thousand lives, and to have different perspectives. I have to make sure that moving forward, I put the activities that are meaningful for me in my calendar. It’s not selfish to choose yourself. Because first and foremost, you can never give from an empty cup. 

I hope you choose yourself too. Until you read from me again.